After a long work day, I picked up one of my teenagers from school and took her with me to the grocery store to grab odds and ends for dinner. We got home and began unpacking everything and came across a messy kitchen counter. This is nothing new or exciting. In fact, when you live in a house full of children you find that counter tops and bathroom floors simply spontaneously produce messes. Don’t believe me? Just ask them who made the mess and they will all assure you no one did.
As I began to clean up the counter, I came across a pair of scissors. In my frustration with the miraculous messiness of the house and the general mayhem that surrounds coming home, I cursed the scissors and muttered, “If I could just put you in the dishwasher you wouldn’t be such a pain in my ass.” My Master has a rule that scissors are not to be washed in the dishwasher. Not sure why, but somehow he has determined they are only to be hand-washed. Thus the offending scissors would require a special trip to the sink and several seconds of my attention, which at that moment was a bit taxed. My daughter heard my grumblings and piped in with, “Well, you know if you broke his rules on things sometimes, we would have a shot at breaking rules about scissors!” She smirked at me and went on about putting away groceries.
Her comment surprised me so much that it pulled me out of my dinner making grind. I simply paused and thought about all that statement meant. We do not express our relationship choice to the kids. We don’t call ourselves “Master and slave” to them. They are kids after all and Master feels that this is a private matter.
It should not have surprised me now that I am reflecting on it. Just because we don’t label it for them does not mean that they are not aware of the nature of our relationship. It is tough to imagine living 24/7 and having the people who live in your home not notice there are differences in how you act. I live always in submission to him and so they see me following rules and deferring to his wisdom. They may not know what we call it, but there is no doubt in their minds what the power structure of our home is.
As I had this moment of insight and awareness of their awareness it occurred to me that I was nearly giddy inside. I realized that without intending to ‘be’ a slave in front of them, with no airs or performance, I still was known by them for what I am. It makes me joyful to know that I am true to his ownership of me always. Hypocrisy is always the enemy and this reassurance of my sense of self made me feel whole.